Yesterday, we were invited at the last second (which is almost always the case) to a little event in one of the eighth grade classes we teach. They were having a little performance in honor of a Singaporean exchange student who had spent the past month with them. We went down to the class where they had managed to move their 56 desks off to the sides and created a decent runway for performances. The students were very excited about having us there, for in China, we foreigners are treated somewhat like I imagine small-time celebrities are treated back home. Most people are really nice to us even if there is no good reason, we are pointed at a lot, and people are just excited to see us. It has its pros and cons.
Anyway, we loitered in the back of the room and (I should have seen this coming) were asked if we could perform something.
Erica noticed it first: Everyone in China has a talent. Variety shows are huge, and people just enjoy sitting around watching others show off their talent. We went to a more formal performance a few weeks ago and watched students play traditional and modern instruments, sing, dance, do martial arts, and one strange performance where a student created a watercolor in five minutes while a two students ballet dances in the background.
And of course, a foreigner performing is something to get excited about! "Can you perform for us?" on of our top students asked. "Sorry," I said, shaking my head. "Are you sure? Can you sing for us" (they always want us to sing)? Nope. I’m fairly tone deaf, and no songs just come to me when I’m put on the spot (and sober). "Can you play an instrument?" Sadly, my violin lessons ended in fifth grade. "Can you tell a joke?" Not in mixed company, to minors! She sadly left. I felt bad. A few minutes later, she ran back to me and asked, quite hopefully, "Can you play the guitar?" I just smiled and shook my head.
The performances were nice. We saw a boy play the bamboo flute, then a boy played a far-from-perfect version of Edelweiss. Next, the Singaporean student was put on the spot. He looked panicked; perhaps he hadn’t been warned of this custom beforehand. He got up in front of the 60 of us and stood silently. Then he whispered something to the lead students, and they let him go outside the classroom. He hadn’t prepared anything! But he was quite nice about it, a few minutes later (after a comedy skit and a recorder performance) he came back and sang two quick songs about Singapore, one in English and one in Malay.
I still have no talent. I was brainstorming ideas in case they absolutely insisted, and all I could come up with was juggling pencil cases while I sang La Cucaracha. They probably would have been impressed. But I am so out of practice!
Two months ago, for Teachers’ Day, they did absolutely insist we perform. And though we were at a large banquet with 120 or so teachers, I had been fortified with several glasses of wine and they had a karaoke machine. Okay, we’ll do karaoke. The Chinese love karaoke. It was announced we would sing, and we went through the booklet. The English songs offered were either Kenny G instrumentals or songs we didn’t know. But we had to go through with it.
Finally, we found two songs we thought we could perform, songs that I knew some of the words to and figured we could read the rest.
We waited for the CD to start, and I was confused. This was a disco, dance version! Where are the power chords and sappy sentimentalism? Maybe they’d queued up the wrong song for us? Nope, there was the title screen, "Total Eclipse of the Heart." But to a dance beat! We thought we could maybe we could change the rhythm but then we realized there were no words on the screen. How were we going to do that? I tried making up some rhymes on the spot (they wouldn’t know the difference), but I am no free-styling MC. We gave up. I was really looking forward to the "And I need you now tonight/And I need you more than ever" bit… sigh.
We had the same problem (no lyrics) when we tried the glorious An American Tail theme song, "Somewhere out There." It always makes me think of animated mice, even in China.
Last week was a school-wide track meet, and two days of classes were cancelled so we could watch and participate in the event. I, on one evening’s practice, competed in the 100- and 200-meter dash, embarrassing myself in the former but winning the latter. I also competed with the English department in the 4x100m relay, which w as fun.
The event itself is an annual competition, and each class marched out together and carried a banner or did a short routine or repeated a chant before filing into the bleachers, where they sat for two days. Students ran by class, and track shoes were provided to the students (they didn’t have any large enough for my giant size 10 feet, though).
A week later, one of the staff members caught us in the wall and waived us into a supply room. We were handed a big bag of snacks each, a bag that for some reason they gave each teacher for the sports meet. Perhaps it was for sustenance to survive the ordeal, I don’t know. But if you are curious what Chinese people eat for snacks, I will list the contents of this bag below.
A bag of lemon flavored Frito-Lay potato chips
A bag of granola bar-sized puffed, sweetened ricecakes
Numerous little containers of peach gelatin/jelly with a small piece of canned peach inside
A bag of what looks like hard candy, individually wrapped, but it instead contains slightly sweetened beef jerky
A bag of Life Saver-sized candy that prominently features a Swiss chalet and milk on the front, and tastes somewhat like caramel
"Ming Zhu roast fish fillet": dried, salted, pale, fish, in a sealed bag
Peanuts: English ingredient list consists of "high quality peanut kernel, slat, anise, clove, sodium cyclamate, saccharine sodium
Walnuts with a sort of caramel coating
Pressed, preserved tofu in bite-sized chunks, slightly seasoned and preserved. Rather tasty.
Good*Vita Wheat Digestive Crackers. They are round and also advertise the inclusion of milk.
You can buy Oreos, Chips Ahoy!, Ritz, Saltines, Snickers, and some other familiar brands here, though of course they are more expensive, and are not as popular as these local foods, I believe.
